Wednesday, March 30, 2005
BREAK!!!
Well, i am on a break right now. Have my sem exams going. Would start posting as soon as my sems get over. Till then.....
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Traveling Soldier!
"I look at my face in the mirror,
I wonder what I see,
I'm just a traveling soldier
I'll be all I can be
But Right now.... I just want to be free
I wanna be all I can be
.........................................
Though they say I am a failure
Do they know who I can be
If you want to know who I am
YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE!!
-traveling soldier
These lines have had so much impact on my life! Heard them first when I was in 9th I guess. Lyrics of the song traveling soldier from the movie thamuddu. A deluge movie, the movie was ok, but the song was the best. Not many Indian songs come with such strong lyrics. Moreover, this song was sung in English. A tradition followed in most of pavan kalyan movies, where songs are sung in more than one language.
This has been the story of my life. Well, not entirely but it surely had played a part. Expectations are one thing you would always want to stay away from. But, expectations are the one which drive you to your goal. Its more or less the motivating factor. It is always good to know that atleast someone thinks you could the right thing for a change.
I have always known there is something inside me thats gona get me to the top. Its my brain, which I am proud of. It acts in a very interesting way sometimes. The time of need, when you have to do something, the crunch time, that I have realized the power of my brain.
I have heard a lot of people say that most of our brain is not used. Only a small portion......blah blah blah. But then, when the time comes, I have felt it. The power of my brain. It so hard to understand the working that it scares me sometimes. Its more like "did I do this?"... "Did I think about this?" I don't have a clue of what happens, but it just happens. My dad happens to be a scientist.... Is it the genes that are showing up? Well I have no idea but the strange behavior surely proves that I am designed and destined to do something big. Its more of that gut feeling that something big is gona happen and I am gona be on top of it. I just know it!!
But, thanks to the fucking Indian Education system, talents are not Appreciated. They just test your memorizing capability. No wonder I don't fit into the system. Where has all the "gaining knowledge" gone? I thought we study to improve are self and know more about the stuff around us. How do we get to know all these things if we waste all our time memorizing things and vomit it off at the examination hall and forget it the instant you leave the hall. Is this the standard of education we are proud of? No wonder people are leaving INDIA and headed to places like US where their talents are respected. And we call it brain drain. Does anybody care for them when they are in India. NO. They get to know about their worth only after they leave the country. And once they have proved their worth in a foreign country which has supported them very well, India calls them back. Why would anybody return? India only wants finished goods, it does not care about nurturing talents.
It is this system which get me on my nerves. Lesser mortals, with no knowledge at all, who are the kings and queens of memorizing score the best marks and show off as if they have conquered Pluto. That is when true talent is questioned. It is definitely not a situation to be in. You know you are better than them, but it is not the right time to strike. As the song goes "if u want to know who I am...... You just have to wait and see."
I, for the reason not known to me, waiting for the right moment. The oracle says to neo in the MATRIX, " I see the signs on your face, but you are waiting for something, maybe a next life." Is this what is happening in my life. Am I also waiting for something? If I am, when would the destined time arrive. How would I know...... Yet another million questions go unanswered!!
I wonder what I see,
I'm just a traveling soldier
I'll be all I can be
But Right now.... I just want to be free
I wanna be all I can be
.........................................
Though they say I am a failure
Do they know who I can be
If you want to know who I am
YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE!!
-traveling soldier
These lines have had so much impact on my life! Heard them first when I was in 9th I guess. Lyrics of the song traveling soldier from the movie thamuddu. A deluge movie, the movie was ok, but the song was the best. Not many Indian songs come with such strong lyrics. Moreover, this song was sung in English. A tradition followed in most of pavan kalyan movies, where songs are sung in more than one language.
This has been the story of my life. Well, not entirely but it surely had played a part. Expectations are one thing you would always want to stay away from. But, expectations are the one which drive you to your goal. Its more or less the motivating factor. It is always good to know that atleast someone thinks you could the right thing for a change.
I have always known there is something inside me thats gona get me to the top. Its my brain, which I am proud of. It acts in a very interesting way sometimes. The time of need, when you have to do something, the crunch time, that I have realized the power of my brain.
I have heard a lot of people say that most of our brain is not used. Only a small portion......blah blah blah. But then, when the time comes, I have felt it. The power of my brain. It so hard to understand the working that it scares me sometimes. Its more like "did I do this?"... "Did I think about this?" I don't have a clue of what happens, but it just happens. My dad happens to be a scientist.... Is it the genes that are showing up? Well I have no idea but the strange behavior surely proves that I am designed and destined to do something big. Its more of that gut feeling that something big is gona happen and I am gona be on top of it. I just know it!!
But, thanks to the fucking Indian Education system, talents are not Appreciated. They just test your memorizing capability. No wonder I don't fit into the system. Where has all the "gaining knowledge" gone? I thought we study to improve are self and know more about the stuff around us. How do we get to know all these things if we waste all our time memorizing things and vomit it off at the examination hall and forget it the instant you leave the hall. Is this the standard of education we are proud of? No wonder people are leaving INDIA and headed to places like US where their talents are respected. And we call it brain drain. Does anybody care for them when they are in India. NO. They get to know about their worth only after they leave the country. And once they have proved their worth in a foreign country which has supported them very well, India calls them back. Why would anybody return? India only wants finished goods, it does not care about nurturing talents.
It is this system which get me on my nerves. Lesser mortals, with no knowledge at all, who are the kings and queens of memorizing score the best marks and show off as if they have conquered Pluto. That is when true talent is questioned. It is definitely not a situation to be in. You know you are better than them, but it is not the right time to strike. As the song goes "if u want to know who I am...... You just have to wait and see."
I, for the reason not known to me, waiting for the right moment. The oracle says to neo in the MATRIX, " I see the signs on your face, but you are waiting for something, maybe a next life." Is this what is happening in my life. Am I also waiting for something? If I am, when would the destined time arrive. How would I know...... Yet another million questions go unanswered!!
When i LOST her!!
I was searching..... In vain. Looking all around, with my heart pumping as if it had springs underneath. Looked everywhere.... In vain. It was as if the sands of time had stopped flowing or was it my mind thinking faster than the time it self. I was destined to protect her. I failed.
I was suddenly sucked into the past as if it was a vacuum machine. I was reliving my past. I could see my self, taking an oath that I would protect her. An suddenly I was back to the present with a heavy load at the bottom of my tummy. A horrifying thought just passed by mind with paralyzed my body. Will I ever see her again. What will I tell the people who trusted me t protect her. Then my mind went blank.
It took some time to re-boot my mind. It was not willing to be operated again, after such a thing had happened. It took me some time get it back to working stage. Nothing could be achieved by panicking. Thats what I told my mind and the magic worked. My mind was back into action.
I started analyzing the situation. Two process were running. How to find her and what to do if I don't. Though they were running parallel, I had a hunch I will find her. As my mind was still making the assessment of how bad the situation was and what could possibly be the aftermath, I strode into action. Went and asked a Couple of people. Well trying something is better than doing nothing. I found out who else sat in the same place as we did. Luckily, they were a bunch of my seniors who sat as the sameplace after I left. I enquired about their whereabouts and found out that they would be in the seminar hall at about 1450. It was 1300hrs now. I knew I had to wait but my mind would not.
I started thinking how it all happened. I had asked one of my close friend to take care of her and I left for the preparation of my multimedia competitions. This was at 1100hrs. Was sitting at my room giving our presentation a final touch. It was not until 1245 that I saw him. He walked straight into my room. We discussed about the latest additions to our multimedia project. I realized we were missing something. I asked him where she was. The reply froze me. "I thought she was with you!"
I had to attend my mathematics class, I had an attendance lag. But I was somewhere else. That is when the aftermath fell on me. It weight me down I was trying my best not to crumble under pressure and keep my cool. The time was moving slow. The hour passed very slow. Finally it was 1450. The bell rang and I shot out of the class like a bird released from captivity.
I was there. Saw my seniors. Venkat, Santosh and Neeraj. Venkat initially signaled santosh that I was there. They all came out, saw my sorry face. They enquired what happened as if they did not know anything. After listening to my sad story, I expected them to give me a lead. I thought they would help me find her. Life is never fair. They started making fun of me. They were rubbing in the fact that I could not protect her. I was already feeling bad, they were making it worse.
I suddenly realized, they would not do this. They knew how serious the situation was. Although they were know for their "take it light" attitude, they wouldn't do this to me. UNLESS, they knew where she was. I bugged them up and finally started searching santosh. I COULD FEEL HER.... IN HIS POCKET.
I finally found my mobile.
(NOKIA 3200, its my first love. We have a lot of memories together. It single handedly pulled me out of my pitiful fate in madurai by helping me keep in touch with my friends. Guys.... You know that with out you I would have been in the mental hospital by now!!)
I was suddenly sucked into the past as if it was a vacuum machine. I was reliving my past. I could see my self, taking an oath that I would protect her. An suddenly I was back to the present with a heavy load at the bottom of my tummy. A horrifying thought just passed by mind with paralyzed my body. Will I ever see her again. What will I tell the people who trusted me t protect her. Then my mind went blank.
It took some time to re-boot my mind. It was not willing to be operated again, after such a thing had happened. It took me some time get it back to working stage. Nothing could be achieved by panicking. Thats what I told my mind and the magic worked. My mind was back into action.
I started analyzing the situation. Two process were running. How to find her and what to do if I don't. Though they were running parallel, I had a hunch I will find her. As my mind was still making the assessment of how bad the situation was and what could possibly be the aftermath, I strode into action. Went and asked a Couple of people. Well trying something is better than doing nothing. I found out who else sat in the same place as we did. Luckily, they were a bunch of my seniors who sat as the sameplace after I left. I enquired about their whereabouts and found out that they would be in the seminar hall at about 1450. It was 1300hrs now. I knew I had to wait but my mind would not.
I started thinking how it all happened. I had asked one of my close friend to take care of her and I left for the preparation of my multimedia competitions. This was at 1100hrs. Was sitting at my room giving our presentation a final touch. It was not until 1245 that I saw him. He walked straight into my room. We discussed about the latest additions to our multimedia project. I realized we were missing something. I asked him where she was. The reply froze me. "I thought she was with you!"
I had to attend my mathematics class, I had an attendance lag. But I was somewhere else. That is when the aftermath fell on me. It weight me down I was trying my best not to crumble under pressure and keep my cool. The time was moving slow. The hour passed very slow. Finally it was 1450. The bell rang and I shot out of the class like a bird released from captivity.
I was there. Saw my seniors. Venkat, Santosh and Neeraj. Venkat initially signaled santosh that I was there. They all came out, saw my sorry face. They enquired what happened as if they did not know anything. After listening to my sad story, I expected them to give me a lead. I thought they would help me find her. Life is never fair. They started making fun of me. They were rubbing in the fact that I could not protect her. I was already feeling bad, they were making it worse.
I suddenly realized, they would not do this. They knew how serious the situation was. Although they were know for their "take it light" attitude, they wouldn't do this to me. UNLESS, they knew where she was. I bugged them up and finally started searching santosh. I COULD FEEL HER.... IN HIS POCKET.
I finally found my mobile.
(NOKIA 3200, its my first love. We have a lot of memories together. It single handedly pulled me out of my pitiful fate in madurai by helping me keep in touch with my friends. Guys.... You know that with out you I would have been in the mental hospital by now!!)
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