Crows and EAGLES!!

I heard this story about "Crows and eagles" (thank you Lawrence!) which reflected my situation in mdu. Pre-requisite that you should know the story. If you don't then the moral is given below...

If a crow hangs out with the eagles.. It would fly higher than the other crows. But then... If an eagle flies with the crows it flies at a very low altitude compared to its normal flight.

I am an EAGLE!! And I belong to the second situation. My version of the story... An eagle never fits in with the set of crows. It is always considered to be an outcast. Other crows make fun of it 'cause it cannot "kaw-kaw" like them. An eagle.. Being one of its kind in the group is always at the receiving end of any humiliation. It has no say... Cause no body would listen to it as it is an out cast. If questioned... "How would you know.... You are not a crow!!" During flight... It has to tag along with other crows. Now... It is again at the receiving end cause it is swift and agile where as the crows are not. So the crows start criticizing the flying style... Though more swifter and agile than a crow the eagle has to stick with the bunch of crows. It degrades its STANDARD in the attempt of adjusting. It gives up its speed and agility and tries to fly like a crow. If the eagle sticks for a long time.. It would forget that it is an eagle and start living like a crow.

Why did I give this version? This is my story out here. As I said.. I am unfortunately the EAGLE which has joined the ***** crows. All through my life in this place, everytime I tell a person (not many actually!!) about my pathetic condition here a common answer is obtained. You have to learn to adjust to this place da. I still don't get the meaning of getting adjusted. Do they want me to consider myself as a crow and fly like they do?

I have been behaving like a crow for 3 years now. What do I get??

He is a happy go lucky guy... He does not have any seriousness.. He just depends on his dad... If he can do it, anybody can... He is not interested in studies... He is not interested in anything...He does not know the abcd of electronics... He does not know the abc of anything that is useful... Boring? Where is the scapegoat?... He takes everything lightly. Say what ever you want, he wouldn't mind... Kill him and he shall not lift a single finger... He just talks a lot, no action... He is a gas bag... Make fun of him, he wouldn't say anything... You are asking him for doubts?? You must be crazy... Why are you asking him such a difficult question? Ask a 1st class kid instead! ................

In a sentence... Down troden, rodent, worth for nothing, scapegoat, punch bag, ass hole....

I am actually the opposite of the above. Rightly said... a wise man in a group of foolish people is considered a fool.

Was I always like this? Nope! No way. I was with the eagles first. Flying high above these bastards. Situations changed and I HAD to put up with these fucked up crows. But now, I am afraid. Have I forgotten how to fly high? Its been 3 years since I had spread my wing wide because I was adjusting with the fucked up bastards here. How can I be so foolish and dumb? How could I even think.. For a moment that they would consider me as their own. Why am I even trying to adjust??? What have I got by so called adjusting... NOTHING. I have just lost touch of flying high and touching the horizon. Is this what I wanted? All I wanted was company.. afterall I am a social animal. But I never dreamt I had to trade my IDENTITY instead.

It was hard to live two lives. One with the eagles... Where you were considered above equals and the other with the crows where you were considered below everything else. It was surely not easy... BUT WHY??

Now, I am sick and tired of doing that. I have lived a false life for long. I have been humiliated enough. I have been kicked around a lot. This MUST stop. There must be a period right here, RIGHT NOW!!!

I am not here to tell you when its going to end... Just that the transition has begun!!

Updates...

Exams done with lot of pain...

Screwed up vacation... Ended up spending more time in a bus, train and plane rather than at HYD!!

Placement training is one BIG pain in the ass...

Get feedback from "FRIENDS" about my attitude...

Get negative publicity...

People think I am a "happy go lucky guy" type guy...

Get more insulting and depressing feedbacks...

Messed up life for the past 3 years... and ppl think I am whole together different person...

Some serious thought and conclude "I AM AMONG A GROUP OF FUCKED UP BASTARDS...” i need to get out of this place asap... its having its effect on me.

I am still thinking...

The trip that was...

Banglore - March 31 to April 2

One night before...

Mahesh: Machan, Friday is a holiday. Are you going home?
Me: Home? You must be kidding! Too far and too little time.
M: I am leaving for chennai... so is Ragesh. What are you going to do over here da?
Me: hmmm... I guess I shall hit Bangalore!

Call up AC
Me: Dude! Are you free for the next 3 days?
AC: Me free... why?
Me: I am landing there tom morning.
AC: Fine. Let me know when to pick you up.
Me: Sure.

Call lasts for less than a min... And my balance is "thankfully" down only by 2 bucks!

Then head towards KM Audi to watch Rags in a skit. It lasts till 1900hrs. Remembered that I did not book my ticket. Reach hostel by 1930. Picked an "important call" that lasted for 30 min.

2000hrs... no idea whether I would catch the bus at 2100hrs. Pack my bag, change my clothes, wash my face, lock my cupboard and leave the hostel by 2010hrs. Kumar gives company. Reach bus stand by 2045. Get a ticket. Roam around. Have dinner. Call up AC and tell him the trip is confirmed. Bus leaves by 2130.

Banglore Trip:

AC sleeping as usual when I reach blr.
Picks me up after a 20 min wait.
Plan to have "BUTTER MASALA DOSA" for breakfast at a place which I miss a lot. Never did. *sniff* *sniff*
On the hunt for prospectus from schools for AC's sis.
Suddenly make plans of hitting Mysore. Decided we would leave in an hour.

CRASH... SPARKS... Me superman... OLD AUNTY-ALMOST BROKEN LEG.
Maya kisses the tarmac for the first time. AC glides on the road. I crash into an unsuspecting AUNTY on the RING ROAD.
Get TT and bandages... Maya has an inverted 7 on her hood.

Plan delayed by 1 hour. Still leave for Mysore though AC's dad was pissed about it.
3.5 hrs of boring journey... some people would just not give up sleep.
Reach Mysore by 1830hrs.
Checked into a hotel after a lot of halla-gulla about them photographing us. What do they think we are... slayers... naa, Devils...? YA!!
St. Philomena church is the first stop.
Spend a few min in prayer and then hit the road again.
AC gives 20 instead of 30 to the auto guy... me end up paying 40 for that after a small scene created there.
Nice dinner. "Andhra Pappu" after a long time.
Load ourselves for the night.
AC takes it light.
2230. I get the kick. Speak some cricket GYAN! AC wants to sleep.
Leave him at peace, though I hated it!!
"Baba Sikandar se panga lene ke saza bahut bhari padti hai, bache. Apne baap ki ke huei galiti phir se mat kar." Typical "MITHUN" da dialogue in EALAN. Watch TV till god knows when before I doze of... the kick finally drops dead.


New day. New hopes. Up by 0630hrs. Got used to getting up early after a party night. (Hostel training.. make it to first hour!)Dress up and leave by 0730 hrs. Breakfast.
Chamundi hills.
Some "thinking stuff" on top of the hills.
Back down. Another bus trip and some ppl can just not stop sleeping!!!
Back to St. Philomena for some snaps...
Catch a bus back to Blr.
Started well. Made life miserable for a few. Some light moments. Some laughs here and there.
A "HYDRABADI KUR-KHURE" to spice up the moment.
I finally shut my mouth. My efforts to keep ppl from sleeping go in vain. SLEEPYHEAD!
An act of sleep... though it did not make me sleep! *sniff*

Blr by 1445 hrs.
Dad calls and says he is blr and wants to meet up. Rendezvous Point "Forum" at 1525hrs.
One bottle of NIKE deo on me... some went into my mouth to eliminate the smell of "things that cannot be named".
Meet dad for 10 min. Get some cash and my SUMMER INTERNSHIP certificate.
Wait for someone for over an hour outside forum... never to turn up. Eat a late lunch...
Back home.
Meet LALI at BMS. Some hot discussions over a cold orange juice.
Sponsored dinner but ended up paying for it.
Back home watch NUMB3RS!
Try calling VODKA but then thought she would be fast asleep. So drop the plan.
AC snoring to glory. Hit the bed at 0230hrs.


LAST DAY AT BLR!

Leave house at 1000 after packing everything.
Meet "frustrated" Shu 'cause we made her wait for half an hour.
Breakfast at "Dosa Corner".
Say hi! to baby cross... (Sorry... INFANT JESUS!)
Visit Shu's house and a wonderful HOME LUNCH over some random talk.
Visit random places.
Say hi to MADHAVAN's park.
Search for AC and find him blowing his top.
Use the principle of "DIVIDE and RULE".
Embarrassments, lots of dumb talk, but VICTORIOUS in the end.
Visit couz at airport road... AC has a crush on her.
MEGABOWL... too long a wait. Got to catch my bus in another 1.5 hrs.
Search for a pub which never existed.
Search in a RESIDENTIAL AREA!
More random roaming... reminds me of "ringa ringa roses... One person’s patience falls DOWN."
Lots of heat.
Finally try to chill at CORNER HOUSE.
I guess I spoke a lot... someone gets too frustrated and keeps her strawberry shake down in protest.
Keep my mouth shut after that.
Drool over a "DEATH BY CHOCOLATE".
Somebody once told me that "no one can complete it alone... I DID IT!! (I guess it was VODKA!) In record time.
More heat as we sit down to eat. Could see vapors on a person's head.
Get a little pissed but then... PLAY ALONG!
Time to tear through the traffic... shu following closely.
Waste a MAL due to AC.
Hit the bus stand just in time.
Some final snaps... too pissed off by then. The fact that I was leaving civilization added to it.
Some weird bye-bye. I think I said... "Thanks for coming”!@#$%
A final HUG!
A MAL on behalf of some one.
A MAL in the memory of someone.
Sit in the bus and send a few “I am sorry!" msg.
Sleep!!!

MAYA!!!

Read this at AC's blog.

Vishnu smiled. “Calm down, Narada. Tell me, where did your family come from? From Me. I am the only reality, the only entity in the cosmos that is eternal and unchanging. Everything else is an illusion – a mirage, constantly slipping out of one’s grasp.” “You, my greatest devotee, knew that. Yet, enchanted by the pleasures of worldly life, you forgot all about me. You deluded yourself into believing that your world and your life were all that mattered and nothing else was of any consequence. As per your perspective, the material world was infallible, invulnerable, perfect. That is Maya.”

This is an extract from the bhagavad Gita about an incident of Narada where he was enchanted by a gorgeous woman and forgot his purpose.

I usually dont believe in mythology but this perticular one has a mordern significance. PURPOSE!! We are all sent here to do something at somepoint of time. Our absence from this world would have started a chain reaction of deadly events. Hence every entity in this world is responsible for what is happening right now.

As a child i wanted to be a "engine driver" 'cause i loved travelling and the "huge moving thing" caught my imagination. Then i wanted to become "a pilot" 'cause the flying machine made my creativity soar to the heights. I never wanted to become an engineer(which i would be in a year!) when i was a kid... probably a scientist (thanks to my dad!). I slowly graduated my "want to be list" to a fighter pilot 'cause the speed gave me the thrill. The common thing in all of the above is CREATIVITY!!


But then reality can be harsh sometimes. I became none of the above. I am stuck in a engineering college where creativity is a SIN! But that not the point here. The point is.. we somehow or the other get lost mid way into realising our dreams.

FOCUS. Does that word have any meaning now? Good question. The answer is a flat NO!! When you dont do what you enjoy doing, you loose your creativity. That is when life become mechanical. People tend to loose track in a number of ways. But to top the list of distractions is GIRLS.

Girls, for some may be a source of inspiration and support. But i truly feel they slow you down. Take you in an all together different path. This is same as the one described in story above. They lure you with their charm and make you run behind them. Some enjoy running behind gals, some enjoy watching them sitting on a platform but I consider both a waste of time.

More over, you dont tend to find gals who are as emotionally and mentally matured as you are! The number of words used to explain something to a guy is 1/10th of the words used to explain gals. Waste more time... Ya i do agree that the feeling of being with them is divine and there is nothing compared to having that feeling and they complete your life they add emotion etc..BUT... just to drink 180 ml of alcohol... WHY buy the entire wine shop!! No offence... but is the slow down of pace WORTH IT??

The only way to actually know YOUR PURPOSE is to rise over the distractions. Have an eagle's eye view of whats happening... No distraction is impossible but then you can always OPTIMISE DISTRACTION!! (now.. i am speaking like an engineer!!)


Listen to the omens for they shall tell you, when you start wandering away from your purpose!!

Real than Reality!!

One more competition, one more submission. A story from the great one. Check it out!

She was screaming like a whore and begging for more as I pushed her further. She took my breath away and I felt divine. She gave me the kick at 260 km/hr.

Yamaha R1, the bike of the millennium, the babe of my dreams, was rocking to my tunes. With 180 horses under its hood, it was down to man and machine. It took me 6 months to tame the wild cat and now its purrs to my wishes. Given my background, she helps me vanish into thin air.

It was 31^st December, 1999, the last day of the millennium. With the Y2K problem solved, people were on the streets celebrating the dawn of a new millennium. The festive mood had set in and I was no exception. I had all the reasons to celebrate too. A job well finished and two huge projects in my hand fetching me 7 figure income per gig.

Living life on the fast lane, describing myself in six words. The road had been chosen to test the new nitro boosters bound to take you over 320 km/hr. I took one last look at the long road, deserted and straight. One kick and she roared with energy. A little twist of the wrist and speedometer read 220. I looked at the red button, press me for ecstasy. I did. It was instantaneous, my eyes could not register anything more than 10 meters and I thought I would fly away.

The rush was more than I could expect, the kick was more than I had anticipated. I was on top of the world. And I felt the winds howling at me, loud enough to be a truck horn.

Then I saw, a sight I can never forget. Two bright eyes, as bright as the sun, staring right into my eyes. Headlights of a lorry. My legs hit the brakes. I could feel the tarmac tearing my skin. She ejected me out and headed toward her doom. The last thing I remember were the sparks hitting my face.

I heard voices, he is lucky to have escaped with just a broken hand. My eyes opened. It took me a minute to realise where I was. How did I reach the hospital? Where is my babe? What happened? Who is responsible…and a million more questions racing through my mind. It was like telepathy. A nurse with white apron and glass of water in her hand made me swallow a huge tablet. You are the St. Marks missionary hospital. It’s not everyday that a person gets to spend the last day of the millennium in a hospital ward. I saw the digital clock hung opposite to me. It read 7:30 pm 31^st December 1999. That’s when I understood the situation. Don’t worry about your bike sir, it’s at the parking lot and I think it is still in running condition. You can check it as soon as you get discharged.

It was 9 in the night by the time I got discharged. A plaster on my left hand and a wallet lighter by Rs.1500. I reached the parking lot surprised to see her still in one piece. She is still in working condition. I responded to the voice and turned around to see a gorgeous looking gal, probably in her mid 20s. I found you on the highway and rode you and your bike down here. She had survived the crash really well. I thanked her for the trouble she took. Can I ask you for one last favour? I asked. Depends on the favour she said. I took a deep breath and asked can you drop me home, as you see I am not in a condition to ride. I kept a helpless expression on my face. No problem. I actually live 2 streets away from yours. Don’t look like that; I had checked your driving license. My attempt to hide my disbelief had failed.

She parked my bike in the parking lot and dropped me home. She bid farewell and promised to drop by next morning to check up on me. This was like a dream. One moment I am crashing my bike and next I have a gorgeous looking lady dropping me home and promising to check up on me. What else could I ask for?

Who am I? A question even my parents would have trouble answering. I am a 25 year old handsome lad from Hyderabad, wanting to make a mark for myself. An engineer from Indian Institute of Technology, Madras; trained in designing modern warfare for the country. But I wanted more. I was not satisfied with the designing part. Joined the CBI as an analyst but went on to join the HRT (Hostage Rescue Team), Gold medallists form the CTC (Commando Training Centre). To put it simple, I am an assassin for the Indian Government. My original records have been erased and I do not have an identity of my own. I change my identity according to my job. I was Ramakrishna 1week back, the sniper who killed the sandalwood brigand Verappan. A job well executed. I always thought the government should have brought us in before but the state governments thought otherwise. I am now, Rahul Bhat, and my next target is Abdul Waghre, chief of Lashkar-e-Taiba based in Kashmir.

The dawn of the new millennium was great and I hoped I would find a lovely girl to settle with. The bell rang. Wish you a many happy returns of the day and wonderful New Year!! It was the gorgeous girl who dropped me yesterday. It was not a dream after all! How do you know it’s my birthday? I think I gave the disbelief look again. Your driving license can say loads about you. Can I come in? That is when I realised we were still standing at the door. Sure. Please do. Can I get you a cup of coffee? She made her self comfortable on my couch. I will have one spoon of sugar. I passed the information to kanta, my maid servant. I am sorry, in all the confusion I even forgot to ask your name and your particulars. Meanwhile, kanta got the coffee and served. I am Maya. I work for Infosys. I had shifted here from Mumbai about 3 weeks back. A great lover of bikes and I admire your bike. There are not many of those in the country, enjoyed riding it yesterday. A smile found its way on to my face, the pride of owning a Yamaha R1. What do you do for a living? She asked. I had practiced the answer over a thousand times, part of the training given before you change your identity. I work as a section manager in Intel soft. She sure is talkative. I got to know more about her and she got to know more about Rahul Bhat.

January 26^th, 2000. 50 years of Republic India. We attended the parade at the red fort. We became very close to each other. I spent a lot of time with her. All the time I was feeling guilty that she is under a false impression of who I was. I actually liked her a lot and I think she is the one I have been waiting for 25 years of my life. But, my profession does not allow me to disclose my real identity to anyone unless the person has security clearance. I could kill my self for this, but then I had others to kill first. The day set for the mission was 16^th January. But due to my hand, it was postponed to 13 February. My hand was alright by now. And I started my training.

The whole day I spent at the training centre under the pretext of working for Intel soft. In the evenings, Maya and I would get together and have dinner. The D-date was closing near so was I toward Maya. I had decided that this is the girl I would spend my entire life with. This is the girl I would share all my joys & sorrows.

Meanwhile, the training had become intense. I was briefed about the details of Abdul Waghre, his allies and mates. I had to know in and out about him so as to make the perfect plan. The best part of this job was that I was allowed to call the shots. I planned the entire setup and execute it. I work alone.

The time I spent with Maya got reduced and she was not pleased with it. I gave a pretext of audit and up coming budget adjustments at work. She understood my situation, though not the actual one, but adjusted accordingly. This attitude of hers had sealed all my decisions. I am going to propose to her and get married to her. I set the apt date for this. February 14, Valentines Day. Moreover, I would have finished my mission by then and the next one was due only in November 2000.

The protocol required me to leave for Kashmir by February 12. I told Maya that I have a meeting in Ajmear and would be back by 14^th. She didn’t seem very pleased but nevertheless she agreed. Man, I love her really a lot. We decide to meet on 12^th evening at 5:30 in the deserted gardens of Shah Alam. I was looking forward for this. Thought of showing her a trailer of what was in store for her on the 14^th. I had to control myself because I wanted the proposal to be on a special day. I had to remind myself show her only the trailer and not the entire movie!!

I reached on dot at 5:30 on the evening of February 12^th. I had just spoken to my mission director on my mobile. The parameters for my mission were set. I was going to leave by 10:30 in the night and do my job at 3:45 pm the next day when Abdul Waghre is addressing a rally. But, at that moment, none of these were in my mind. All I knew was that I was going to see the girl of my dreams.

I heard a coarse voice.

Funny, how small people like you think they can kill Abdul Waghre.

A chill ran through my spine. I turned around to see Abdul Waghre standing right in front of
me. I had no clue. No body had trained me to handle this type of situation.

It’s easy to kill me but you can’t kill the name Abdul Waghre. Why doesn’t your government understand this? Why can’t you let the Kashmiri decide their own fate? Why does your government always poke its big nose into our affairs? Answer me.

My throat was dry. I was still recovering from the shock of meeting the person whom I was supposed to kill the next day. I knew I was surrounded and with no gun in my hand I had as much chance of surviving as finding a needle in a hay stack. I knew this was my end and I was staring straight into the eyes of death. Nothing new but still this might be the last time I would do that.

A final plan struck me. I acted cool. Put my hands into my pocket and shouted back.

You can’t get away with this. I have backup waiting in the car outside. If I don’t go back within 5 minutes they would come in search of me. And then your game would end.

Meanwhile, I pressed the dial button twice knowing that it would call the last dialled number which was of my mission director. I just hoped he picked up the phone and heard the conversation I was having. But a million questions were running in my mind. How did he find me? How did he know? How did… I was still wondering when I heard a familiar voice.

It is true that love does make people go blind.

I did not have words to say. It was a shock I had never anticipated. I just couldn’t take it anymore. How could I be so stupid?

Never doubted your dear Maya, did you?

Do you want to have the pleasure of killing him, Maya?

I know people die in love, but I guess I can see it right now. Say your last prayers, if you have any…

BANG!!!

It was pain beyond imagination, emotional more than physical. The scene changed. I saw a white wall. Is this heaven? I saw a lady in a white apron. Is she an angel? She had a glass of water in her hand. You need to lie down. You are the St. Marks missionary hospital. It’s not everyday that a person gets to spend the last day of the millennium in a hospital ward. I looked around and saw the digital clock hung opposite to me. It read 7:30 pm 31^st December 1999.

Was this all just a dream?

The catch of the competition was that it sould end with "was this all just a dream?" and so did my story. Thank you for reaching till here!!

DESIRE!!

Had written this for a poetry competition in my coll. called acumen! This was extremely hard because every line I composed had a minimum of two expletives. Had to pass my thoughts through a censor board to screen things out. It’s not all that wonderful to have a gutter mind!


Screaming into this world I came,
Out of captivity, freedom finally attained.
I know I have shot to fame,
Love and care, is all I desired.

Entered college as sharp as a knife,
Flirting is an art and I had excelled.
There she stood, the love of my life,
Let me have her, is all I desired.

Living life on the fast lane,
Work and party is all I lived.
Stop being a playboy I tried, but in vain,
Dame and money, is all I desired.

Husband I became, knew it was her,
Loved her more than what was required.
Shot up in life, jealous they were,
Power and Glory, is all I desired.

On my deathbed, I lay,
Lived life to the fullest, I hoped.
Start it all over again, if I may,
A painless death, is all I desired.

Rang De Basanti!!

It’s an old topic; saw it long time back in Chennai. The movie has a lot of unforgettable moments tagged along to it. Saw it during saarang, was having lots of fun, got the some fundae about life later that day, wonderful company and many more stuffs. I was busy enjoying the company then and the real meaning of the movie did not strike me till now. Can’t blame them.

The movie got released in MDU yesterday and had gone for the night show the only show for us. The movie was not just about a bunch of guys shooting the defence minister to avenge the death of their friend. There are a lot more lines to be read between the lines.

India is going nowhere. That’s hard to accept but then since when has truth become easier to accept?

Apne ghar ke safai mein khud ka hath kyon ganda karein.

It’s just not that. There is another dialogue in the movie that supports my stand.

Yahan ki system ko badalne ki kosish karo, yeh system tumhe khud badal dega.

This is very true. No matter where and what you are doing, this is true. I tried it out in my college and swore I would never think of it again. Given a thought and I am sure I can find millions of such examples.

College ke ander zindagi ko hum nachate hain aur college ke bhar zindagi hamein.

This made me realise the company I was sitting with. 11 of my close friends sitting beside me enjoying ourselves not worrying about what George Bush is going to say tomorrow or what the recently announce budget has in store for us. For all that matters, we don’t even care that we might get caught by the warden for coming 5 hrs after the curfew time! Not worry about which gal is thinking what about us. It’s like cutting yourself from the world and having some hardcore fun!

Yahan zinda rahene ki ladai mein logon ki zindagiyan chalee jati hain.

What is the use of life when you can’t feel the rush and kick of having one. The movie proves something which is very important in my life.

There are no right or wrongs in life. There is only what you believe in!

Sometimes, what is right for me is wrong for others. Just because of this I don’t give up on my stand. There are no rights and wrongs. I do what I believe in. There can’t be any other thing that is more correct than that. Hitler killed all those people because he believed in something. He never saw what was right or wrong. I have seen a lot of people arguing about his decisions. But, has anyone been in that situation to actually feel what it is like to make such decisions? NOPE!! And then everyone starts criticising his ideas. I respect him for the simple reason that he had the balls to do what he believed in. I do what I believe in. If you have a problem with that you can go to Pluto and search for water!!

Ek pair past mein aur dusra pair future main. Iseliye hum present per muth rahein hain.

Is this an indianised dialogue? Neither can we forget or leave the past nor can we abandon the future. Stuck in this web we do nothing in the present. Yep, we are pissing on are present so that we become pissed off when our future arrives.

Dur se commentary dena asan hai. Agar uthna hi hai to tum bhi politics join karo, IPS ya army mein bhartiho jao, badlo is desh ko…

What is the point in joining all these when the selection process itself involves a lot of corruption? Is it that, to fight corruption, we have to promote corruption, become corrupted, reach a high level and then start changing the nation? Power, itself corrupts a person as learned for the lord of the rings.

The movie has invoked a lot of questions inside me which have no answers other than; you don’t have the fucking time for all this. This is partially true but still the small amount patriotism inside is screaming and demanding for explanation and answers. Answers to the questions that should not be asked!!

Ab bhi jiska khoon na khola, Khoon nehi woh pani hai,

Jho desh ke kaam na aye woh bekar javani hai.

The transition of a BATH ROOM singer!!

Music is something that runs in my family. By music.. I mean carnatic. My mom, grandma, sis(to an extent!), aunt's... And lots more are pros in the art. The same was expected of me.

It took them two months to realize that I was totally hopeless. Cant blame them. My grandma tried teaching me and my couz at the same time!!( for those who came in late.. H and I are pretty quite when apart... But when we combine, we generate enough power to give a thermal power station a run for its money). Imagine, two kids (aged 9 I guess...) who are deprived of their play time (cricket time), to be made to sit at one place (ouch!! Now that hurts..) and sing random combinations of 7 words!!

M.S.Subhalakshmi, a name loved by all, a name hated by me! She was in the top 10 of my must kill list. She sang the suprabhatam which used to run in my house the moment i used to hit the pillow( 0500 hrs). It used to take me 2 pillows to filter out the noise.

Though I hold no grudges on C-music... I still don't get the funda behind singing the same 7 words in different combinations. Mathematically, there are 7P7 combinations. But then, we use just a small fraction of it. Why? If theses 7 notes can make up a song why do we need lyrics...

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Da Ni SA

7 notes to fame. If you can sing them properly... You are an ace. Not that I remember how easy or tough it was to learn... Logically speaking, how tough is it to learn 7 notes??

Anyway... Coming back to the post, I was always considered as a black sheep of the family (I had company!!) for not being interested in classical music. Once I even managed to brainwash all the students of my grandma against c-music(that was a painful experience). But it all changed. On the 15th of Feb, 2006... I sang, I sang to glory(positive or negative??).

Thinking about it now, it seems to be a bold yet stupid move. I did not know it was a intra college event. I was just expecting to see my department crowd. After looking at the crowd... I did get tensed up but then I was not going to give up!!

The song I was going to sing.. Summer of 69! Why did I choose the song? God knows.. I wanted to sing nothing else matters by METALLICA 'cause it suits my voice better. It was a random decision. No preparation. No practice. Heard the song couple of times.. Wrote down the lyrics for emergency purposes. And, I was ready to sing.

Name called... Went on stage... Looked at the crowed... Someone shouted "what the fuck are you doing over here." The answer was prompt... To Sing to glory!! I started... Good one.. Hitting the high note. Then I don't know what happened. I knew the lyrics but still I was looking at the paper. I lost my tune in the middle... But still I continued singing. I changed the ending so as to end it off in a low note. Finished and looked at the crowd.

I was expecting tomatoes and eggs(reminds me of holi!). But then I got something I did not get expect. Applause ...clap clap clap!!! Grew higher and louder. There I stood... Proud at my FIRST performance on stage!

I called up my grandma and told her I sang. Though she did not know the song... She felt good. My grandson finally sang on stage. Welcome to the family.

I knew I sucked big time... But then who the fuck cares. I can now say.. I gave a stage performance!!

For a person who used to sing in the bathroom all the time, who could not make proper combination of 7 notes, who was branded as the black sheep, this was truly a great moment. Who the fuck cares whether it came out good or bad, I atleast had the balls to go on stage and give it a shot!!

They were certain people who did make me raise an eyebrow..

N- Good one. Though I did not know what you sang... It did sound melodious!
S- Same goes to you too. Next time, try closing your eyes and not laugh half way into the song.
De- Good going. You reminded me of a guitar. The drags produced... Is like pulling the strings in a guitar.
J- Nice song dude!
Dav- Way to go!

Some of the c-music were good, probably a few beats here and there would have made it better! It made me think again about my view about carnatic... The verdict..

I stand by the same... Carnatic music is neither in my cup of tea nor in my ear!

Life!!

This one is dedicated to all those who are finishing college in a few weeks from now.

I sometimes feel lucky that i have got an additional year to spend with friends... and yet again a voice at the back of my head screams... "Come back to reality, get out of this place asap... your only way to return to civilization!!"

Enjoy ppl!!

Those night outs, those midnight teas
Those birthday bumps and parties
.... Old torn jeans
those late night walks
.... Long chats...pinches and slaps
.... Crushes on pals;
those mother's pickles and the fight for them
Playing pranks in class, getting kicked out of class,
.... Struggle for marks;
Writing on the desks...Fights with teachers;
Tears for love;
Those B-grade movies and those peal for placements
just everything.... That’s college life
I call it HEAVEN.

SAARANG@IIT M

Long time since I have posted. My only defense, life is an orgasmic bitch.

Saarang is an annual event at iit M, celebrating the joy of cultural competition. Truly one of the best I have been to. The standards were high so were the stakes. And a lovely crowd. I have yet again fallen in love with the place.

Saarang did end up in a very sentimental way for me. Had been to my couz house for couple of hours. The time I spent there surely did take my mind off the numerous probs I have. It was just pure fun. Recollecting old memories can always put a smile on your face. I laughed on some of the silliest things I must have done when I was a kid. Man... That was just too good to describe. It makes you realize how far you have come... how matured you have become over a course of time.

thanks pups... had a lovely time!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

I hoped it would be just another day... I was wrong. Though people get older by the second, we realize it only when our birthday arrives. But this one was special... I have turned 20!! I can see my lovely teen years flowing away and reminding me that the carefree days are over and it’s high time I started taking my life serious!!

This birthday started pretty well, went on great with me having an AMAZING time. But the end was something I had not foreseen. It came swift, painful and TRAGIC blowing all my happiness in one quick swing!

The best part of my birthday is that it falls on the NEW YEAR!! So... along with all the new year celebrations my birthday celebrations get tagged along! End of the day, I end up a happy man who has thoroughly enjoyed the day.

The usual way of celebrating birthdays is to wake up early in the morning, have oil bath, go to the temple, pray god for what ever you want cause you can get lucky on your birthday... spend time with your family and party with your friends in the evening!!

Well, though I know I am unique... my birthday routine is pretty much opposite to the usual trend! Party starts off on the eve of the new year... the evening of 31st dec. Spend time with friends till the clock hits 12! Get kicked, bashed, punched, assaulted and almost killed (All this read as birthday bumps!!) and when every one is done venting out their frustration and anger they have been storing for a year on me... I PRAY GOD... to thank him that I am still alive... though not in a good shape, but still ALIVE! Then the party goes on till sun rise and then with the break of dawn... I hit the sack (night for me!). But, as long as you have non party animals in this world... I would always get woken up with someone calling and wishing me. Though I don’t blame them but still... I guess I deserve a little sleep on my b'day! So the calling stuff goes on all day and it’s really tough to catch up on your sleep. Where as all my friends recharge their batteries which is almost full by afternoon and here I am, my head shouting... BATTERY LOW!!! Well, its party time in the afternoon... with a movie or a lunch, followed by another party for the rest of the group. The new year always starts off with me coming home early (probably by 2200hrs) and sleeping on MY bed (it’s probably the first and LAST time for the year).

This year was not much different. Well, no difference in the fun and sleep part at least. This time, as for the last 2 years, I spent my birthday away from home. It is pretty disappointing to be away from home and not with your usual group. But time to grow up! The best part was I DID spend my birthday with all my CLOSE FRIENDS as always. A group of 8 of us, partying it out at kodaikannal! The weather was just great with the minimum reaching as low as -1. Freezing?? Not exactly but my kinda climate! (I love winter) So we did party it out as the usual way. Just that the partying mood started as early as 30th dec. With 3 days in kodai, amazing fun! We checked into a hotel for the mid-night celebrations! OK music, nice disco. No good chicks but decent enough. To my horror, I found another group of my seniors (15 of them I guess!) at the same place. It turned out to be nice... 23 ppl from the same college partying. It’s always nice to party with a large group. Came back to the cottage where we were staying. Continued the celebrations with party performance enhancers and partied till dawn. Didn’t realize when I dozed off but then when I got up for a call probably an hour later... i did see that every one were laying dead on the bed! Sleep was something I could not expect and something which I never got anyway. By the time everyone got up it was afternoon. We had our lunch and headed back to hostel!! A stupid bus ride but worth it.

As I said in the beginning... A lovely birthday celebration. But, all good things have to come to an end. So did this. It was something I had not foreseen. It came swift, painful and TRAGIC! The blow was almost fatal with me just managing to survive. It was way more powerful than all the birthday bumps I had ever got, put together. My heart which was pumping adrenalin all along started pumping hate, agony and misery. True... tragedy strikes when you least prepared for it. It hits when you are so vulnerable.


It was a birthday gift I CAN NEVER FORGET!!!


I am happy that it came at the last hour of my birthday...