Spooked!!

Hope is one which can never be hoped for.

Why does it so happen that when you want something so desperately to happen it never does. And when you actually don’t care about it anymore, it just does.

I was hoping, praying, wishing..... To clear my paper in the revaluation. Although, I knew at the back of my head that it was something not possible (probably 'cause of the place I am) but I hoped it would. The last time I did that was for my IIT results which were 2 years back.

The end results are the same. I did not make it to the IITs nor did I clear the reval.

It was certainly not something I thought would happen. I never expected an arrear in "Analog Communication". I thought I did that pretty well.

Not that I care about the arrear 'cause I feel these are not the right people to judge me and it’s not the first time I had one. The problem here is that it coincides with my Hyderabad plan which I have been planning ever since I landed up in this desert. All the wonderful plans and thoughts just vanish in an instant.

It was indeed a sad evening. Getting blasted in class, finally manage to keep my cool and my friend pops in to give the bad news.

It was a very different feeling. I was pulled into some other dimension. I saw my past life. What I was and what I am. Comparing and contrasting. My mind, blasting with all the expletives known to mankind, pushing me to the edge. Answering all the questions I was afraid to ask, questioning all the questions I dreaded.

I suddenly realized I was getting drenched and my cell was ringing (thanks to the vibrator!!). I hear a voice which was very familiar (I must have been hearing it for the past 14 years of my life!!).

"Yo DUDE!! Whats up? I am having a great time out here. Called up just to burn you up a little." said ARCANE from the other end. Well, he did end up burning me a lot more than he expected to... but that temporarily got me out of the "fucked up" dimension. I told him... you just couldn’t have found a better time to call.

Not for long though. I fell asleep all of a sudden and got sucked back where I left it. Only difference, this was more fearful. Reminded me of Harry Potter. It was like I was in a Pensieve. The difference being that I was not in control. It was a tough ordeal. I got up all sweating and my pillow was wet. I had no idea what was happening.

I could remember every daam thing that happened. Crystal Clear. The positive aspect of this was that it just opened my eyes. It just told me that I was deviating too much (hey... I might deviate so much that I might start following the path usually traveled!)

IS THIS WHAT PEOPLE CALL SELF REALISATION.